On Grieving and Joining a Grief Support Group (Group enrollment currently ON HOLD)

Washington Irving said, "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition & of unspeakable love."

Please, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, come join fellow grievers building and deepening this community of healing, connectedness, insight and renewal.

Grieving the loss of a loved may be the heaviest emotion we humans experience. Yet, it is normal, natural, even healthy. This group focuses on coming to terms with the reality of loss, working with and through the pain of grieving and adjusting to life in light of the absence of the deceased, all while finding an enduring relationship with your loved one, a relationship that allows you to heal and grow and invest in living fully again into the future while honoring and maintaining connection.

I believe that the process of grieving is a saying goodbye and then a saying hello again. Every experience of loss is unique (though they may very likely bring up losses experienced years ago) as are the requirements for moving through and healing after a loss. What I have found through the honor of sitting with and companioning many individuals who have experienced the loss of a loved one is that each individual finds their unique way of positioning the absence of their loved one within the context of their life, not ending the relationship completely (what has erroneously become known as "closure") but rather finding where that member - whether connected through family of origin, extended kin, chosen family or friendship networks - resides now, right alongside their absence. This allows for an enduring connectedness, or a "re-membering" of that lost loved one, to arise and re-entry into life and fully living to naturally flow and grow in due time. This requires patience and gentleness with oneself.

Guided by the foundations of practice of Narrative Therapy creator Michael White, as well as author and therapist Lorraine Hedtke’s insightful perspectives, and through many years of professional experience companioning the grieving, I have developed an expanded focus not only on facilitating grief’s natural "saying goodbye” processes, but also on the “saying hello again” metaphor as a central guiding element of work together with grief and through grieving. In so doing, beyond the pain of grieving, persons identify the possibilities to reclaim their relationship with the lost loved one and they are very often surprised by the effects that these reflections carry through toward resolution of their sense of emptiness and feelings of deep sadness which are naturally part of grieving but which many experience much like depression. Individuals can reposition themselves in relationship to the loved one after death, a repositioning that brings relief that is so strongly desired.

Through the process of incorporating the lost relationship into daily living, many problems defined during times of grief are aired out, moved through, eased and quite possibly resolved. This incorporation also allows the grieving person to arrive at a new relationship with themselves. Their attitude towards themselves can become a more accepting and embracing one and they can come to treat themselves with greater kindness and compassion. The approach of focusing on “saying hello again” is deliberate about not taking a position against the utilization of saying goodbye. There is much to say goodbye to - including the myriad material realities of the presence of the loved one and particularly when it comes to the hopes and expectations of being involved in that relationship. Instead, I believe that the process of grieving is a saying goodbye and then a saying hello again. 

Every experience of loss is unique - and don't be surprised if they bring up losses experienced years ago - as are the requirements for healing after every loss. Our group is supportive, flexible, dynamic and intended to provide a safe container, week by week, to keep the process of grieving moving. One must cultivate the relationship that lives on after a physical death of a loved one and conversations about death and grieving are equal parts about experiencing the suffering accompanying the loss and growing invigorating new identities alongside the many transitions that death occasions. I acknowledge that loss is not solely about an event, or the object, in this case a person, that oneloses, but rather it can be seen as a constellation. Many people are touched,"secondary losses" and other significant or subtle changes occur and those are commonly realized over time. Often, even movement through time feels differently and mental and physical space can feel foggy or shrouded. But there is hope as trajectory of loss that brings difficulty also brings growth, pain as well asmeaning, suffering as well as renewal. Many different meanings arise for each person touched by the same loss and even different meanings may arise for the same individual at different times, sometimes week to week or day by day, even hour by hour.

Each Grieving Group series meets for 8-9 week blocks with the expectation that participants complete that entire block together. The group then takes a 2-3 week break resuming with another 8-9 week block followed by another brief break. This block-based process allows for participants who find the group series healing and helpful to sign up for the next series of group sessions and for participants who find that they have done what they needed with the group to come to a planned ending, allowing for facilitated goodbyes to the larger community that develops in the group process. Attending this support group will facilitate expressions of deep sadness, often tears, which can be difficult, however, you will experience relief as well, and at the same time, these groups foster a sense of aliveness that allows for a new experiencing of the loss and grieving and, very importantly, new hopes for life and living.

Please come join this community of healing, connectedness, insight and renewal.